How Being 10% Braver Saved My Career

I'm going to be brutally honest. This year I fell out of love with teaching. I felt worn out, I felt my hard work wasn't paying off and my "spark" for my vocation had almost completely ebbed away. It started feeling like 'just a job' to me when before it had been something I was incredibly passionate about. I would read avidly, discuss new ideas, try loads of stuff out in the classroom, I was an active and reflective teacher who always strived for better and absolutely lived for my job (hence my nerdy blog!). It was therefore incredibly unusual for me to lack motivation (given I thrive when I have something else on my plate whilst teaching, for example doing my masters project and writing my dissertation all during my NQT year). This year (my fifth year in teaching) it has felt like the fire has gone out and I've just been going through the motions - a passive teacher. It honestly filled me with shame and I felt I wasn't good enough for the students who deserved better than a lacklustre teacher. Several times over the course of six or so months I considered leaving the profession. I even signed up for a job site that wasn’t TES! (Keep reading – I promise there is a happy ending!)

Then something changed. I had tried to read books this year (as I have enjoyed doing in previous years) but I found it difficult to motivate myself which tended to result in me reading the first chapter, putting it down and then forgetting about it. However, when I started reading 10% Braver Inspiring Women to Lead Education by the fabulous WomenEd group something finally resonated with me for the first time in a long time. It reminded me of what element of teaching I was passionate about: action research and trying different ideas in my classroom, fine-tuning my practice to be the best possible teacher for the young people I teach and a hope that I can inspire young teachers in the future. It reminded me of those staff in school who I look up to as they are also passionate about teaching and learning (and I am very lucky to have many inspirational women in my school!). I decided I needed to change something to get myself out of the pit I'd somehow created for myself. So feeling 10% Braver I asked our inspirational Assistant Head Lyn Lawton if I could shadow her and see what it was like to be so influential in terms of teaching and learning around school. Lyn is fantastic and immediately showed interest in supporting me with this idea. Even before doing any shadowing I felt immediately more inspired and my enthusiasm for teaching came back like a bolt.

The first thing I shadowed Lyn doing in her role was observing and giving feedback to a colleague in a lesson. I've been blessed to have the insight of Lyn's feedback in several of my lessons in the past and have always valued her suggestions for ways forward. This time I was invited to be a part of the observation process. Beforehand she talked me through the documents she uses to help structure her feedback, what she tends to look out for, that she takes it in initially and then goes to talk to students and look in their books. We watched the lesson and I watched her give feedback to the staff, highlighting all the positives and having a discussion about the lesson, suggesting a couple of things which may help move the class forward. It was incredibly useful for me to see and I was overwhelmed by how lucky I was to have this experience - I don't think many teachers get the opportunity to watch an experienced member of staff give a lesson observation and feedback. I think it is something staff should do more of - then you have a better idea of what to look for in lessons and how to hold the discussion afterwards. Also, the impact on my teaching was more significant than if I had just popped into the lesson myself to watch.

The next experience I was invited to be part of was a training session Lyn held with some members of the senior leadership team regarding lesson observation feedback. Some of the documentation she had used when I shadowed her observation was her trialling something new (which she mentioned at the time). The purpose of this training session was to feedback to her teaching and learning team the successes of this new document and discuss ways forward with the aim of ensuring continuity and consistency of giving feedback across the school. Lyn organised a presentation with her research all done, calling on the experienced members of the team to share their observation and feedback experiences. I was invited to take part in the group tasks and discussions and made to feel welcome (despite initially feeling a bit nervous and having to overcome an initial feeling that I didn't belong with all these important people!).

At the end of the training session, some of the lead teachers discussed trying the document by observing each other and giving feedback, so I arranged to do a reciprocal observation with one of our Lead Teachers Emma Higgins who is also a Maths teacher. Emma has also been a member of staff who has been a great support to me (and continues to be) and initially helped me find my feet at school. I really enjoyed going to watch her and filling in the documentation, then later meeting with her to discuss the lesson. After awkwardly discussing whether we should pretend it is an actual observation or whether we just discuss the helpfulness of the new document, I decided to be 10% braver again and tried to give proper feedback! Then the experience of watching Lyn give feedback came in really helpful, we had a discussion about the lesson and I found some useful tips and suggestions on ways forward from the new documents Lyn had designed. I now feel if someone asked me to do an observation I would feel much more confident and I am assuming you only get more confident the more you do! It is something I hope to be involved with more in the future.

Emma then came to watch me teach, and keen to impress I definitely raised my teaching game! I tried something new and really enjoyed the lesson. Emma gave me feedback using the sheet and we both felt more inspired by the experience. If anything, I feel staff should observe each other like this more. Not formally, but with a clear and consistent structure as Lyn intended from her document. I definitely got more from the experience than any of the previous observations where I have just dropped in and watched for part or whole lessons. It forced me to think and reflect more deeply on what I was watching and it had a more significant and long term impact on me.

I've been so lucky to be given the chance to be involved in shadowing Lyn and as a result working with Emma. It has totally reignited my spark for teaching and reminded me how much I love this job. But my main message to anyone reading is - if you don't ask then don't get. I was fully aware in asking if I could shadow Lyn she could say no as she is very busy, but I wanted to at least try. Thankfully Lyn has been incredibly accommodating and I've learned a great deal from her and Emma. I also want to tell anybody reading this feeling disengaged from teaching as I did that you can do something about it. The power is in your hands to change something. You don't have to drift from lesson to lesson debating every evening whether or not you still enjoy teaching, stuck in a pit of complacency. Remind yourself why you got into teaching, think what it is you enjoy the most about this wonderful profession and see what you can do to reignite that spark. I've come out the other side of my teaching identity crisis and you can too. Just be 10% braver.